From then on everyone was all about Livejournal (and I’m pretty sure that one girl’s senior year was made a living hell). It’s pretty crazy to go back and read it. I posted in mine from high school spring break, to college, to my summer internship in NY, to college graduation, and even some after…
There is actually a lot of emotion behind a lot of the posts (mixed in with the occasional rant, ex: “OMG gas went up to $1.95, this is bullshit!”) and it completely brings me back to those memories and feelings. Some of it is borderline embarrassing. I was such a young, irrational, little punk.
What I noticed so much, beyond the stories, was my writing style. It was random, sometimes rambling. But it was so raw and honest. It made me think of this blog and how much I struggle writing it. Maybe it has to do with having an audience beyond my “real life” friends, but often times writing this blog is hard for me. I erase and retype and second-guess.
What I also see though, in my Livejournal, is me. The same me. Funny. Swearing. (Holy swearing, tons of swearing.) Emotional. Scared. Dreaming. Inspired. I’m still all those things. But I do wish I still had the balls to be that girl who said what she was thinking (good or bad) and didn’t care what people thought of it.
Maybe this ties in with the fact that I feel like this blog has been lost lately. I haven’t felt inspired to write here and maybe that’s because I don’t know where this space is headed.
Maybe the issue is lack of topic ideas. I feel like, if I’m given a topic, boom, I’ll tell you a story. Stories I can do. But talking about day-to-day is hard for me because I question if people are interested. I don’t go into detail, I keep it short.
Maybe it’s growing pains. I have seen this a lot recently. Small businesses and blogs are changing, evolving. The owners are not the same people they were when they first started out. It’s a ballsy move on their part but one I appreciate because they are being true to themselves.
Not that I am a new person than I was a couple years ago.
But something is just lacking here.
I’m going to work on this whole blog thing. I don’t know what or how or when, exactly. I’m still figuring it out. But I’m going to work on it.
Rambling today aren’t I?